You're Too Old to Play in a Band When . . .

• 1. Its more important to find a place for your fan than your amp.
• 2. You get to the gig looking like you just woke up or just left the gym. 
• 3. All your fans leave by 9:30 
• 4. All you want from your groupies is a foot massage and a back rub.
• 5. You love to take the elevator because you can sing along with your playlist.  Anything to keep you off the stairs.
• 6. Instead of adding another musician, the band wants to spring for a  roadie.
• 7. You lost the directions to the gig.
• 8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings. 
• 9. You've thrown out your back jumping off a one foot stage.
• 10. You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
• 11. The waitress is your daughter.
• 12. You stop the set because your Ibuprofen/Pepcid fell behind the speakers.
• 13. Most of your crowd just sway in their seats.
• 14. You find drink tokens from last month's gig in your gig bag.
• 15. You refuse to play without earplugs.
• 16. You ask the club owner if you could start early to quit early.
• 17. You check your favorite team's game schedule or when hunting season starts before booking a gig.
• 18. Your gig stool has a back.
• 19. You're related to at least one member in the band.
• 20. You let anyone sit in as long as you can get off the stage for a little while.
• 21. You need a nap before the gig.
• 22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
• 23. During the breaks, you go to the van to lie down.
• 24. You prefer a music stand with a light.
• 25. You hope the host's speech lasts forever.
• 26. You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.
• 27. You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool factor.
• 28. You feel guilty looking a hot men/women at the bar because they're younger than your son/daughter.
• 29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location.
• 30. You have a hazy memory of when you could physically handle 10 gigs in 7 days.
• 31. Your date couldn't make it because she couldn't find a baby sitter for the grandkids.
• 32. Set lists are one per page with very large fonts and key signatures.
• 33. Your now vintage gear was new when you bought it.
• 34. You have to leave in the middle of a set to pee.
• 35.  In order to make it through the gig, you decline the club's comp drinks and consume the caffeine instead.

Comments

[Clark]

That's me to a tee. I'm not quitting, though. Welcome back, Carol.

[Jo]

LOL! Not all of us can age as well as Paul McCartney but out here in NYC there are many "geezers" and "mature" musicians looking to reinvent their glory days. And why not?

I am a female bass player, playing in a band with a bunch of 40+ guys, as we are having the time of our lives... again!