You're Too Old to Play in a Band When . . .

• 1. Its more important to find a place for your fan than your amp.
• 2. You get to the gig looking like you just woke up or just left the gym. 
• 3. All your fans leave by 9:30 
• 4. All you want from your groupies is a foot massage and a back rub.
• 5. You love to take the elevator because you can sing along with your playlist.  Anything to keep you off the stairs.
• 6. Instead of adding another musician, the band wants to spring for a  roadie.
• 7. You lost the directions to the gig.
• 8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings. 
• 9. You've thrown out your back jumping off a one foot stage.
• 10. You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
• 11. The waitress is your daughter.
• 12. You stop the set because your Ibuprofen/Pepcid fell behind the speakers.
• 13. Most of your crowd just sway in their seats.
• 14. You find drink tokens from last month's gig in your gig bag.
• 15. You refuse to play without earplugs.
• 16. You ask the club owner if you could start early to quit early.
• 17. You check your favorite team's game schedule or when hunting season starts before booking a gig.
• 18. Your gig stool has a back.
• 19. You're related to at least one member in the band.
• 20. You let anyone sit in as long as you can get off the stage for a little while.
• 21. You need a nap before the gig.
• 22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
• 23. During the breaks, you go to the van to lie down.
• 24. You prefer a music stand with a light.
• 25. You hope the host's speech lasts forever.
• 26. You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.
• 27. You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool factor.
• 28. You feel guilty looking a hot men/women at the bar because they're younger than your son/daughter.
• 29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location.
• 30. You have a hazy memory of when you could physically handle 10 gigs in 7 days.
• 31. Your date couldn't make it because she couldn't find a baby sitter for the grandkids.
• 32. Set lists are one per page with very large fonts and key signatures.
• 33. Your now vintage gear was new when you bought it.
• 34. You have to leave in the middle of a set to pee.
• 35.  In order to make it through the gig, you decline the club's comp drinks and consume the caffeine instead.